Sometimes it is the activist fighting for what is right and even with a lower pay check. The pastor following her calling even when others do not understand and think she is merely imagining things out. The creative who is following her passion projects by piecing gigs all together just to survive. The aspiring singer who gets mock at and showing up anyway. The cook who just wants to see others smile over a meal. Or merely in a different stage in life with that requires the different versions of themselves.

Not loud. Not rich. Not famous.
But purposeful. True. And quietly brave.

That too is some form of success to some and just measured differently.

Most of the time, I wish I could walk out of a magazine and also with a perfect social media profile to match. I look at you, and you seem so bright, so full of hope.

Sometimes I know I pale in comparison in appearance, accomplishments, and everything else. I felt insecure as a teen and even now and when that feeling returns, I need my alone time.

That same insecurity still creeps up from time to time as an adult — which I think it is abnormal. That "Primary Two nervousness" I felt walking to school still surfaces. I still have to name it to tame it.

One of my few accomplishments years back as a student was a humble online store but I know others were already running successful companies. I still remember a former schoolmate who appeared in a cover of a magazine for running a successful business while still in school.

Sometimes, I don't even follow my own advice. I tell younger ones not to compare — but I still do deep down. 

I suppose we all look at others and imagine their lives are better than ours. So I remind myself to count my blessings, to be content, and to move at a sustainable pace.

"In the dynamic where a group is driven by a need to be right rather than by honest collaboration the person who ultimately suffers most is often the one who is least invested in winning the argument but most affected by its consequences. 

The one labeled “wrong”: They may absorb blame, shame, or exclusion, even if their perspective had validity. They pay in psychological safety and reputation. 

The quieter, pragmatic members: Those who see the group’s blindness but are not heard. They pay by staying silent to avoid conflict, or by picking up the slack when the group’s pride leads to poor decisions. 

The “right” ones themselves (eventually): Pride-driven proof often damages trust and they pay later with broken relationships, failed projects, or isolation because people tire of being dismissed."

This is utterly stupid.

They absorb the cost while the prideful ones move on, still convinced they were right. So in short: The one who suffers most is the one who sees the group’s blindness but has no power to correct it. 

Sometimes leaving is not a weakness. It’s recognizing that: You cannot out-reason a group committed to being right. Pride that will not examine itself does not yield to better argumentt and it just finds new targets. Energy has a better return elsewhere. Staying normalizes the dysfunction.

Mockingbirds do no harm; they only make beautiful music. 

Symbolically, mockingbirds are innocent beings who are destroyed by evil by society's cruelty.

There is a beautiful and thought-provoking quote I chance upon online sometime back. My version of what I recalled is very close to a popular and poignant piece that circulates online. The most common version is:

"She asked me to kill the spider. Instead, I caught it and let it out into the garden. I hope that if I ever end up somewhere I don't belong, someone will be kind enough to do the same for me."

This version is often attributed to Nanea Hoffman and her lifestyle brand, Knitty. It perfectly captures the sentiment of empathy and the "golden rule" according to what I was told. My version ends with "I hope that I would be greeted with the same kindness," a slightly more personal and hopeful twist, but carries the exact same beautiful meaning.

These quotes capture van Gogh's view of stars as a source of comfort. "I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream. Looking at the stars always makes me dream, as simply as I dream over the black dots representing towns and villages on a map. It often seems to me that the night is much more alive and richly coloured than the day. When I have a terrible need of — shall I say the word — religion. Then I go out and paint the stars. But when shall I ever paint the Starry Sky, this painting that keeps haunting me. Just as we take the train to get to Tarascon or Rouen, we take death to reach a star. To die quietly of old age would be to go there on foot. Someday death will take us to another star." 

He could only feel deeply and idealised things at times like myself. He felt everything too deeply and when he gave it to a human, they stepped backwards and were terrified by the fire and so he focus on his art. It was more stable and comforting for him. So he drew the sky and the stars and like the little prince, in the end, the snake took him to the star with a loud sound only on the sun flowers field.

In the past, I got to know a former coworker who was extremely well-read and basically knew how to manage everything extremely well—teams, the dynamics of others, sales, stock management and still found time to serve the community. 

As someone fresh out of school and full of curiosity, I asked him what the most important skill or field of study I should focus on was. 

He told me that he had read philosophy, but that philosophy itself is "dead"—it is useful and important to apply it to many other areas. It helps you manage and shape different viewpoints and interpersonal relationships well. 

Out of curiosity, he also asked me, 

"How do you deal with personal dynamics as someone fresh out of school?" 

I told him, "I take it as a form of cultivation." 

He looked like he wanted to laugh, but sensing my seriousness on the matter, he replied, 

"In a workplace—or in fact in many places—it is not a place for any form of cultivation. Sometimes, it’s not even a place to make friends, and not everyone is your parents and has your best interest." 

However, for me, finding positivity is something necessary in our everyday lives. It’s necessary for my survival. When I learned that my very own neighbor across the hall goes to the animal shelter to help, to clean, even to pay the bills for abandoned animals, my heart feels warmer. When I hear about students helping to clean the one-room flats of elderly folks, my boring day feels better. 

Some time back, I read that this way of seeing things is one of the worst strategies. There is a book called Marchavilla. In summary, it points out that being nice gets you nowhere. One needs to have some psychopathic traits—not in a negative manner. You are calm in the boardroom. You get to make friends immediately, and others find you charming. 

Maybe in a way it is true. I also got to know a friend who is always putting in hard work, yet she just stays where she is. She doesn’t like LinkedIn. She doesn’t even like social media. She is very quiet and just does her work quietly; however, she does not get the promotion she deserves. 

Today, some of these things still made me felt unanswered.